by Ennio Ammendola, M.A., MHC

How many times in life have you been talking to people who describe their lives in terms of a super rigid set of principles related to school, work, and relationships?

It feels like listening to the 10 Commandments, and people have to honor them “religiously” in order to give meaning to their lives. I do have a friend who describes his life in these terms. While I was thinking about him, my REBT brain kidnapped me and gave birth to one interesting question: “Is it FUNCTIONAL to base your life on the 10 Irrational Commandments?”

Before we attempt to answer this question, let’s have some fun by playing a game. Please feel free to fill in the blanks. I am going to provide you with some incomplete sentences, and you are to pick the right word combination in order to complete one of the 10 Commandment sentences. The words to insert are at the end of the list.

Okay, it is time to play now:

TEN IRRATIONAL COMMANDMENTS:

  1. I MUST have a____________________; otherwise, others are going to perceive me as a loser, and I_____________________.
  2. I HAVE to have a beautiful______________; otherwise, nobody is going to pay attention to me, and I am going to be_______________ for the rest of my life.
  3. I MUST get____________ to the best university; otherwise, people will think that I am___________________, and it is going to be terrible.
  4. I MUST become_________________; otherwise, I have wasted all these years in school, and I am going to be a _____________human being in the eyes of others.
  5. I HAVE to___________________ before I am 30; otherwise, it is going to be too late for me, and this is going________________________ because I am going to be alone.
  6. I SHOULD always be successful in any domain because I am_______________, and if I fail, it is not because of me but because people are not able to understand my____________________.
  7. I MUST make_____________ a year like my friends; otherwise, I cannot be happy, and I am going to be__________________ for the rest of my life.
  8. I HAVE to be respected by others because I am______________, and I always know____________________.
  9. I SHOULD get married to the most______________ partner; otherwise, it is going to be___________________ that I cannot have what I want.
  10. I HAVE to have what___________ anytime in my life; otherwise, I am going to be____________________ because I have failed.

Sentence combinations:

Commandment # WORD #1 WORD #2
  someone important worthless
$200,000 miserable
  the best what to do
  get married to be terrible
  I want a loser
  successful job cannot stand it
  admitted stupid
  car alone
  super intelligent talent
  beautiful terrible

After the fun, let’s attempt to answer the previous question: “Is it FUNCTIONAL to base your life on the 10 Irrational Commandments?”

It looks like these commandments are based on DEMANDS, such as MUST, HAVE, and SHOULD. Dr. Ellis reminds us that when you make a demand, you box yourself in. Demands are absolute and do not leave room for any alternatives. With a demand, you want whatever you want the way you want it—and there are no buts about it.

ANSWER: It is not functional and you DO know it!

To be continued….Stay tuned for Part 2 of this blog in the coming weeks!

Ennio Ammendola, M.A., MHC