by Ennio Ammendola, M.A. 

My most recent blog was about being irrational, this blog is about being rational.

Let’s suppose that you read my previous blog that identified the 10 Irrational Commandments, and that after several weeks of intense PRACTICE you are now living your life based on the new 10 Rational Commandments.

You can finally describe your life as being characterized by a super flexible (as opposed to super rigid) set of principles related to school, work and relationships.

We have discovered a few weeks ago that holding the 10 Irrational Commandments was not functional for any of us. Will you agree if I state that the 10 Rational Commandments are going to be more functional than the 10 Irrational Commandments?

Since you have been able to PRACTICE, I am not going to invite you to play the game again but I am going to invite you to PRACTICE the same sentences now in rational terms.

It is time to PRACTICE now:

THE 10 RATIONAL COMMANDMENTS: 

  1. It would be better to have a successful job, but if I don’t – it does not make me a loser. And if others think I am a loser…I can still STAND it!
  2. It would be nice to have a beautiful car, but I do not NEED one. There is no evidence for that.
  3. I PREFER to get admitted to the best University but if it does not happen, I did the best I could and it is not the end of the world.
  4. I would LIKE to be perceived as someone important but it does not mean that if it doesn’t happen, then I am a WORTHLESS human being. I can still have a very productive life and be happy.
  5. I would LIKE to get married before I am 30 but if I marry after 30 then it does not follow that it is too late for me, and even if I never marry, it does not mean I have to have a miserable life. Marriage does not define me.
  6. I PREFER to always be successful in every domain of my life, but I know that this is UNREALISTIC and I need to just do the best I can and ACCEPT when things don’t go the way that I want. It is a HASSLE but it is NOT going to be the end of the world and I can be accepted by others with or without certain talents.
  7. I PREFER to make $200,000 a year like my friends, but if I do not make this amount it does not FOLLOW that I cannot be happy or that I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I can still have a productive life and find happiness in what I do.
  8. It would be NICE to be respected by others but they do not have to respect me just because I want it. I can still be okay if others do not respect me because it is NOT TERRIBLE.
  9. It would be NICE to get married to the most beautiful partner but if I am unable to do so, it doesn’t mean that my life is going to be TERRIBLE. I can still be content with what I have.
  10. I would LOVE to always have what I want in my life but I know that it is UNREALISTIC and if I do not have what I want it does not mean that I am going to be a LOSER, unless I tell myself so.

It looks like these new commandments are based on PREFERENCES, such as “I prefer…”, “I would like…”, and “It would be better…” Dr. Ellis reminds us that a preference, even a strong one, does not box you in. Preferences are not absolute, and do not assume that they have the power to run the universe. When we change our demands to preferences we minimize our disturbance and maximize our abilities to live with the uncertainties and adversities that life inevitably presents.

May the PRACTICE be with you!

Ennio Ammendola, M.A., MHC