by Jeff Goldman, M.A.
As a beginning REBT therapist, I have learned so much. I have also come to realize that there is a lot more to take in. I have really found this to be the case when it involves our understanding of anger. In one of my previous blogs, I have commented on anger but I now want to discuss it in a different light. We commonly become angry at others but we also direct it toward ourselves. It is this self-directed anger that REBT has increased my appreciation for.
The other day I had a lot of work to get done. I received a letter in the mail, which stated that I owe a $50 copay for a routine doctor visit that I already paid for. I called them up and tried explaining that this was a mistake. I was on the phone with them for over an hour (waiting on hold for more than half the time). Although I remained calm, I became angry at the doctor’s office because I thought they were unfairly trying to bilk me out of money that was not rightfully theirs! After getting off the phone with them, I wanted to get back to what I was planning to do. Unfortunately, I squandered an hour on the phone and got nowhere. I then realized that I became angry at myself because I now had to leave for school and didn’t have time to finish what I was working on. Then came anger’s prized statements: “I “should” have known this was going to take time and could have called them the next day!” I should have known better!” Self–directed demandingness at its best!!
Later that day, I laughed and thought to myself: “how can I be my own REBT therapist?” Given that I am a psychology doctoral student, every penny counts (I am sure a lot of graduate students can relate to that!). With a limited income, $50 can seem more like $100! It’s understandable that I was concerned and wanted to resolve it as soon as possible. I also didn’t know that it was going to take me over an hour on the phone (hindsight is always 20/20!!).
From an academic viewpoint, this actually made me revisit old psychological concepts. Classic attribution theory (e.g., Bernard Weiner) posits that anger results from an external attribution of a negative event/outcome, which usually involves unfair treatment. In the case above, I attributed the undesirable outcome (owing the money) to an external cause that was unjust (I already paid the doctor and they are unfairly charging me twice). In contrast to this, self-directed anger seems to stem from an internal attribution. That is, it involves blaming oneself (“I should have known to call them tomorrow because I needed to get my work done”).
Although it’s possible, I never thought of anger as stemming from an internal attribution. This is one of the many ways that REBT has deepened my understanding for the complexities of our emotional experiences.
