By Johna Hansen, L.C.S.W.
The other day I ordered some items online to pick up in the store. Upon arrival at the store I realized I needed my ID in order to pick up the items. Fortunately, this time I had my ID with me. However, the person behind me did not have his ID with him. The store clerk explained that store policy requires one to have ID in order to pick up the items at the store. He became angry telling the clerk she should just give him the items and spent the next 20 minutes (okay maybe it was only 2, but it felt like 20) arguing with the store clerk about why the store clerk must give him the items. After the man left, I spoke with the clerk about the difficulty we humans have accepting store policies. I explained that I had similar things happen to me before and although there is a policy, I often try to find a way around it instead of accepting the circumstances.
Thankfully, REBT offers tools for working to accept difficult circumstances, such as adhering to store policies when we notice ourselves becoming angry. REBT helps us realize that telling ourselves “the store clerk SHOULD give us our items” might only make us angrily disturbed. Instead of thinking, “I must have this” or “they should give me this”, or “I can’t stand it if they don’t give me this”, it would be more helpful to tell oneself, “I’d prefer they give me this item right now, but I recognize the policy prevents them from doing so and I can stand it if they do not give it to me.” And, we have a couple of practical options: We can go get the items in the store ourselves and cancel our online order, or we can go home, get our ID, and go back to the store another time.
