By Shannon O’Neill, M.A.
Emotions can be uncomfortable, so much to the point of avoidance. Some may choose to suppress feelings and/or avoid situations, believing the emotion is inevitably linked to an unpleasant past event. As an individual begins to experience the emotion they do not wish to feel, meta-emotions, such as anxiety, can also be produced. So as you can see, cognitive and behavioral avoidance may offer temporary relief, but will not aid in long-term recovery. Therefore, refusing to acknowledge the presence of an emotion can be just as unhealthy as allowing it to consume you.
Oftentimes our emotions are the only indicator of what we are thinking or how we are evaluating a situation. We are frequently unaware of our interpretations because we tend to link an emotion directly to the event. This is evident by our common accusation that an external source made us feel a specific way. Yet, anyone who follows the theory of REBT understands that our thoughts about an event are responsible for these unwarranted emotions and behaviors. No other person, place, or thing can make us feel a particular way. Therefore, one’s emotion offers insight into the cognitions that are frequently overlooked and/or not readily available.
It is difficult to accept uncomfortable negative emotions, as many develop low frustration tolerance for the experience. But yet, it is also unhelpful and unproductive to reject an emotion because you are forecasting an outcome that was experienced in the past. You see, an individual cannot confront or battle a particular event without first recognizing they are suffering. Therefore, rather than pushing an emotion away as you interpret it to mean something undesirable, have more compassion and allow yourself to experience it first.
Many will attempt to rationalize their way out of an emotion, thinking they should not feel a specific way. For example, one might appreciate all the good things in their life as they reflect on what they have compared to others. This thought is somewhat rational as the individual works to collect evidence; however, saying “I should not be sad because people have it worse” is sometimes just as unhelpful as saying “I should not be happy because people have it better.” Therefore, the sooner one is able to acknowledge he/she is feeling an uncomfortable negative emotion, such as depression, anger, or anxiety, the sooner he/she can approach the situation from a clearer perspective in order to fully investigate their cognitions.
