By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
Many of us often find ourselves fretting in anticipation of events or tasks. These situations may range from confronting a boss or a friend, to a project or task that carries weight. While preparation is beneficial in helping to secure one’s success, the manner in which we approach such planning can make all of the difference. If we do not pay attention to the content of our internal dialogue, we may be doing ourselves more harm than good.
Managing our expectations about an event is very different than demanding situations turn out a specific way. If we continue playing a script of shoulding and musting, we are not going to be any more equipped to handle a challenging task. Telling ourselves that an assignment should not be difficult to complete, it’s terrible that the task seems overwhelming, and it’s too difficult to stand will only make it more difficult to begin. If we disturb ourselves about a difficult conversation we need to have with a friend or superior, the task will only begin to seem more daunting. Hours of awfulizing and catastrophizing will not only hurt our ability to adequately prepare, but could also limit our ability to truly examine all of our options and the possible outcomes.
Ruminating or avoidance may help to relieve anxiety, but will these tactics truly prepare us for the long haul? As much as we would like to convince ourselves so, the answer to this question is a resounding no. How do we quell our anticipation?
• Practice cognitive flexibility. While it is helpful to examine a situation and arrive at different options, maintaining rigid beliefs about what should happen will not prepare us if this outcome is not the reality. If we can acknowledge what we would like to happen we can shape our responses or actions to match this goal, while also accepting that the result may be far from what we expected. The more flexibility we exercise the better able we are to reduce our anticipation and become better equipped to tackle the situation.
• Work Against Your Frustration Intolerance. Once you can cognitively challenge your frustration intolerance beliefs, it is time to put this new way of thinking into action. Rather than standing behind your anticipation and anxiety, start taking steps toward the final goal. Whether this is a conversation, task, or activity, push yourself to break patterns of avoidance, which only serve to reinforce the anticipation.
• Accept there are no guarantees. No matter how much you practice flexible thinking and manage your expectations about an outcome, there are no guarantees that a situation may resolve in the manner you hope. Once you can accept that circumstances cannot be controlled, it will be easier for you to begin problem solving, or take additional steps to resolve an issue, no matter what the outcome may be.
The next time you are faced with a challenge, try to break your usual pattern of responding. Let go of your irrationality and replace it with flexibility. Then it’s time to stop angsting in anticipation and take action!