by William Taboas, M.A.
There are some of us who get caught up in too many “why’s” about ourselves. Why did this happen to me? Why am I this way? Some of us go to psychotherapy to answer these questions in hopes to change some aspects of our lives. The thing is, the “why” doesn’t get us to change. It only gets us to be more self-aware. The “how”, “where”, and “when” will get us to change.
How we go about change is just as crucial as to why we would like to change in the first place. Identify the things you would like to change, and how to make that happen. Envision the steps and attitudes needed to make those changes, and the thoughts that need to come with the behaviors that you wish to engage in. This is quintessential to Cognitive-Behavior Therapy and Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy, as behavior and thought are one in the same dyad. Where we would like to engage in change, or in which areas of our lives, helps in developing a flexible idea of the contexts in which we could engage in change easily, and which other contexts will be more challenging. And the “when” refers to identifying when to implement (and when not to) changes. It is making sure that your game plan has a time frame for execution that will guarantee change.
I always found it fascinating how Albert Ellis integrated rational-emotive imagery into not just his sessions, but also in the books that he wrote (and I have only read a fraction!). He always emphasized three key aspects: 1) Imagine yourself behaving in the way you want to behave that is effective, and 2) what do you need to believe in order to behave that way, and 3) allow yourself to emotionally feel as if you are already adept at engaging in the behavior. Be the change you want to be, and think and feel what it takes to change.
