by Mike Toohey, M.A.
I have been noticing a lot of irony within disorders, lately. In order to avoid feeling anxious or depressed we tend to behave in ways that decrease feeling upset temporarily, even though we exacerbate it in the long run by doing so.
The most noticeable to me is social phobia. People who fear social situations worry that they will be awkward, rejected and, inevitably, alone. Therefore, they withdraw from social situations in order to avoid the worrying that arises from the potential occurrence of rejection from the situation. Yet, by doing so they end up alone! Further, they increase their chances of being awkward since they avoid the opportunity to practice being social.
Another irony comes from types of depression. I have seen it time and time again where people who feel depressed won’t do potentially rewarding activities because they “feel too depressed.” Exercise has been repeatedly shown to have significantly positive effects on mental health. Yet, not exercising because we feel depressed happens all the time. Similarly, not eating healthily because we are upset occurs too. And then we feel depressed for not feeling healthily.
Last, how many times have you yelled at someone you loved for being angry, uncomfortable, or not happy? Did you think your yelling was supposed to help them feel happier? This is crazy – yet, we all have felt angry with others for not feeling how we think they should. Nonetheless, I have never seen this contribute to a positive atmosphere.
It seems important to know how ironic it is that the very behaviors we engage in to help us actually hurt us. We create them to avoid emotional distress, yet by catering our behaviors to our emotions we lose sight of our real values. Notice the ironies in your life to help motivate you to stop the self-defeating cycle.
