Category Archives: rebt-cbt-post

The Imperfection of Perfection

by Jeff Goldman, M.A.

What is perfection? Free from flaws? What is a flaw? Something that is imperfect? Sounds fallacious and circular to me! Yet many strive to be perfect, even though logically, this line of thinking is tenuous at best. As a matter of fact, it is riddled with more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese! Ironically then, one can deem striving to be “perfect” as an “imperfect” way of living.

Where does this need to be perfect come from?… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

Fear of Rejection

by William R. Taboas, MA

“People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and that they’d much rather do other kinds of things. But most people are afraid of rejection.”   - Albert Ellis

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a topic that resonated with people: having a Fear of Failure. The pervasive message that many of our cultures promulgate is one that failure must be avoided at all costs, making it difficult not to internalize the message that we are not our failures.… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

Honor Thy Parents

by Mark Schiffman, M.S. 

Last week I was trying to get my daughter to get into her bed, and believe it or not, she wasn’t listening to me.  After a few minutes of back and forth, I let slip in a stern tone, “You are starting to get me angry!”  Then my internal dialogue began.

Rational Self (RS): “Is she really getting you angry? Haven’t you learned anything from REBT? She isn’t getting you angry – you are getting yourself angry!”

Irrational Self (IS): “But she should be listening to me!… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

This is Such a Pity

by Chris Kelly, M.A.

A friend of mine always used to say: “More to be pitied than scorned.” She would say this whenever she noticed some stranger acting in a rude or hateful manner. The flip way in which she said it made it seem like she just wasn’t very bothered by rudeness. I eventually realized that when she would say this, she was actually making the choice to feel pity instead of scorn. She was reminding herself that she had a choice in the matter.… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

Disqualifying the Positives in Others

by Brianna Cheney, M.A. 

The Atlantic recently published Coddling the American Mind, which identified several cognitive distortions widespread among American college students and speculated about the negative effects on education.  It was argued that “mental filtering” (i.e., selecting a negative detail of a situation and subsequently perceiving the whole situation as negative) is ubiquitous in academia.  As an example, the authors cite the increasingly common occurrence of students’ petitioning that certain commencement speaker guests be “disinvited” if the speaker holds a job position or belief that is incongruent with the mainstream values of that campus. … Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

The “Need Trap”

by Elissa Habinsky, M.A., M.S.

Language plays a central role in the practice of REBT, and as such I have been paying close attention to the language that I use, as well as those around me. What I have noticed is the widespread misuse of English words, particularly the word “need”. Ellis believed that the only things that we as humans need are those essential items required for survival such as air, water and food. With that said he also acknowledged that our society does a poor job teaching us to discriminate our wants from our needs.… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

Taxi Cab Confessions

by Jeff Goldman, M.A.

Anger is one of the most understudied emotions in psychology.  Even the DSM-5 diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder does not capture its core facets. In the past 40 years or so, there has been an awakening in the exploration of anger and its related constructs. The theory of REBT has played a major role spearheading this journey into these uncharted empirical waters. Challenging and modifying irrational beliefs can really help one get a grip on this turbulent emotion.… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

Setting Realistic Goals

by William Taboas, M.A. 

Goal setting is a frequently discussed topic, not just in therapy settings, but across disciplines and personal matters. However, most of us don’t have a method for effective goal setting. We may have unrealistic expectations or very vague and abstract goals. So, in the spirit of integrating philosophies that jive well with RE&CBT, I’m taking a page from Dr. Robert Wubbolding’s Reality Therapy: What do you want? What are doing and which direction are you taking to get it?… Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

Inside Out and REBT

by Mark Schiffman, M.S.

Inside Out has earned critical acclaim, as well as success at the box office, amassing over $600,000,000 worldwide.  For the few who haven’t seen it, the story centers on Riley, an eleven year old girl whose family moves from Minnesota to San Francisco.  The primary setting for the movie is inside of Riley’s head and the main characters of the story are five of Riley’s emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust. … Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post

REBT Self-Care

by Brianna Cheney, M.A.

As a doctoral student with minimal free time, I struggle to balance maintaining my interpersonal relationships with making time for myself.  I frequently push myself to spend time with friends and loved ones, even when exhausted, in order to assure myself that I am seeing my loves ones as much as I ought to and that I am being a good daughter, sister, aunt, or friend.  And in the rare times when I do prioritize “me time”, I am often so preoccupied by guilt and ruminative thoughts about what I should be doing that I am not present in what I am doing.  … Read more...

Posted in rebt-cbt-post