By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
When sitting down to write my blog this week, I decided that it was time to take a different approach. Many times I focus on ways to change a specific behavior or emotion by applying the principles of REBT. This approach presumes that the readers of my blog are experiencing an emotional or behavioral disturbance. This week, I decided to answer the question, What can you do if you aren’t experiencing an emotional or behavioral disturbance? This may seem like a strange question to delve into. Why would I need to do anything if I am perfectly content with my current emotional state? Perhaps a better way to look at this question is to ask How can I maintain these feelings on a day-in day-out basis?
REBT is not just an approach to therapy that can be used to resolve one’s emotional or behavioral concerns, but rather a means to create a new philosophy to live by. A common misconception is that we should never feel negative emotions. This is a seemingly impossible standard to maintain. If we suffer a loss or argue with a loved one, it is expected to experience feelings of sadness or annoyance. It is important to recognize times when negative emotions are healthy and work to accept that there is no way to eliminate negative emotions entirely. Even if we could, would this be a healthy response? It is when one’s irrationality begins to creep back, and self-defeating emotions and behaviors take charge, that it may be time to begin re-challenging those beliefs and work toward productive change.
Remember, in order to maintain change it is important to adapt this philosophical shift in all areas of our life. If we view rational thinking as a band aid or quick fix, that is what we will experience. Continue to practice these skills daily and work to generalize such philosophies in different situations. Change is an on-going process, things happen and life can be unexpected. When we are presented with a challenging event, often times it is out of our control. However, in these moments we have two options: 1) slip back into old ways of thinking and behaving or 2) trust our rational philosophies and use the skills we have developed to push back against irrational thoughts and behaviors.
Just because old patterns of thinking begin to reemerge, that does not mean that we have not made progress or come a long way. Allowing negative thoughts or behaviors to enter your mind does not mean that we are at risk of undoing all of our hard work. We are only human, long engrained with patterns of behavior that tend to find a way back into our lives. It is during those times that we can examine the evidence, logic, and functionality of those beliefs and behaviors. Use these moments as a reminder of how REBT has helped in the past and how it can be useful again in the present.