By Ricky Hornblass, Ph.D.

We all have a sense that we can control or have power over everything and everyone in our lives. I often talk to parents who feel tremendous guilt and anxiety when their children do not behave the way they would like or do not achieve the success that they had hoped. Similarly, individuals often become angry when they tell themselves that others’ should behave differently and that they can change them if they just work hard enough at it.

While parents can often adapt their behaviors to bring about positive change in their children and adults can advocate for themselves in an attempt to help someone else improve upon their behaviors, it is crucial that we accept that we often can’t change others. We are never the sole person responsible for someone else’s success, happiness, or behavior-there are too many other variables involved in the process. Therefore, instead of focusing on changing others’ or making circumstances turn out just right, it would be more productive for us to focus on ourselves. We should turn our demands of others into preferences and work on accepting them as humans who make mistakes (just like us). It is only then that we can attempt to improve our relationships and develop healthier patterns of interactions.

#tbt