by Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.

Over the past few weeks, I have heard multiple references to the concept of “wasting time.” While everyone may provide a different definition to this term, in each of these conversations the expression held a negative evaluation. For instance, one conversation was based around the idea of “wasting time” in a romantic relationship and another in reference to a job position. More specifically, the common theme was staying in a situation that may not lead one to his/her intended end goal. Thus, one should not waste time.

The REBT model emphasizes the importance of considering one’s goals and what may be getting in the way of achieving these goals. For example, we may explore how unhealthy negative emotions can be self-defeating and keep us from reaching desired outcomes. Is there a place for short-term goals in lifetime planning?

While I understand the value of setting goals and putting effort into achieving these in the long-term, what happens if we are only living in the future? If we live by the demand that time must not be wasted, what will happen if we come to the realization that we broke this demand? Suppose that an individual finds himself in a career role that after two years he is unsure if it is the right profession, however, it takes another two years until he makes a complete career switch. Some may say, “Look at all the time he wasted in a career he did not like when he could be doing something he loves.”

First, hindsight is 20/20, meaning that after two years this individual may not have had all of the data regarding this profession that he had after four years. Distressing himself about the fact that he should not have wasted time is not only unhelpful, but cannot be changed. Furthermore, even if we take the elegant solution and suppose that he truly did waste time, will it be helpful for him to awfulize about this? The answer is no! That will not only be likely to exacerbate his distress, but also potentially impede his ability to move forward and finally pursue a career of his liking.  If we want to take a more inelegant approach, what does it really mean to waste time? Yes, he may not be at the place where he hoped he would be at this stage of life; however, this does not discount all of the valuable lessons, skills, and experiences he gained along the way.

No matter how much we hope and want for life to be a straight path, this is very unlikely to be the case. While it is not only beneficial to work toward life goals, it is even more important to redefine and rework those goals when life’s path changes. Whether you choose to believe time spent veering away from these goals is time wasted, or the process is part of the trip, holding on to rigid or catastrophizing beliefs will be a trigger for the breaks rather than the gas.

Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.