by Raymond Moody, M.A.
Finally, I was in the “room where it happened.” My partner and I purchased tickets last March to see Hamilton on Broadway and, after 10 long months of waiting, we finally saw the show last night. I was concerned that I had listened to the soundtrack too many times to count that I wouldn’t enjoy the live version of the songs as much. I was also concerned that there has been so much hype around the show that it wouldn’t live up to my expectations. I am happy to report that Hamilton did not disappoint. Every once in a while something comes along that actually does live up to our high expectations and this was it (for me anyways).
This week has been challenging for many people. There are a lot of people who are having a hard time because they have expectations about how people should act and have firm beliefs about what is best for everyone’s future. I am no exception. For many, these expectations are unhelpful and can lead to significant distress. This distress can often be compounded by our biased behavior to seek information from sources that confirm our beliefs. This past week I have been doing a lot of awfulizing. For example, I have heard people talking on the subway about an action that someone with some serious power made and my mind raced through a chain of possible consequences leading to a truly awful conclusion. I started looking at Facebook and noticed all of the articles that were being shared by my friends that provided some support to my awful hypothesis. My anxiety grew. By the time I made it home I had ran the scenario through my head so many times that I felt hopeless and depressed.
Throughout the week when my expectations (i.e., demands) for how people should act were not met I quickly found myself going to the worst situation possible. Thoughts about how awful it would be and how little of the awfulness I would be able to handle led me to experience a lot of anxiety and depression. This pattern of thinking carried from one situation to the next and I found myself having a truly difficult week. I learned some lessons this week. First, there are a lot of people in the world who are not on a Broadway stage but who we expect to act in a certain way. Unfortunately, it does not matter if we believe a person should act in a certain way because most people are likely to act how they want. We don’t have to approve of the way someone acts to accept that they will likely do what they want when they want. Second, if my past experience with bad situations tells me anything, I am overestimating the probability of the worst outcome. It is always a possibility that the worst thing imaginable happens but even if it did I would find a way to cope with it. I am capable of handling a good amount of frustration and I am better able to enjoy my life when I remember that. I have spent much more time in my life anxiously preparing for the worst case scenario than actually dealing with these horrible situations.
In almost every situation, if we have firm beliefs about how someone should behave we are likely to be upset when they don’t adhere to these demands. Rarely will we be pleasantly satisfied but more often than not a situation will be distressing if we make our preferences into demands. I am glad that my REBT language was available at the show. I was able to move past the child that kicked my seat, the microphone that failed a couple times, and the variations in a few of my favorite songs from the soundtrack and truly enjoy the show. I can’t wait to see it again (actually, I can wait, but would prefer not to).
