By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
Do you use Facebook or know people who do? Let’s say the status announcing yourself as a newlywed receives less comments and “likes” than your friend’s status about her new pet. Does this mean that your self-worth is less than your friend’s self-worth? No, it doesn’t. But according to recent articles I’ve read, some people who use Facebook experience envy and believe they are inadequate when compared to their friends. This phenomenon has been termed Facebook envy.
Some studies have linked Facebook envy to depression. It could be that people who are depressed use Facebook more than those who are not depressed. However, I would contend that it’s not Facebook itself that is leading people to feel envious and depressed – it’s whatever people are telling themselves once they sign in to Facebook. This is the basic premise of REBT; emotional and behavioral disturbances are caused by people’s beliefs about a specific situation and not by the situation itself.
Although Facebook can be a great way to keep in touch with friends and family across the world, at times it can appear that your friends have the perfect life. Facebook timelines are filled with status updates and photos that capture snapshots of the best moments of people’s lives. Few people share their disappointments and challenges. When so many of your friends seem to highlight the most positive aspects of their lives, it can be difficult not to compare yourself to your friends. Perhaps this is what drives many Facebook users to constantly update their profiles in an attempt to one-up their friends.
Some people become so upset by their irrational beliefs that they will deactivate or delete their accounts. Rather than avoiding Facebook completely, a better option might be to practice self-acceptance. On the CD entitled, “Unconditionally Accepting Yourself and Others,” Albert Ellis defined self-acceptance as “a philosophy that involves living and enjoying, but not rating yourself.” Here’s how you can overcome Facebook envy and use your time on Facebook to practice self-acceptance:
Be aware of your feelings and beliefs. If you start to feel envious and depressed, consider what you could be telling yourself that is leading you to feel that way and identify any irrational beliefs.
Dispute irrational beliefs. Even if your self-worth could be determined by the number of likes and comments you received, when would the comparisons end? Hint: They wouldn’t. How then, would holding on to your irrational beliefs be helpful?
Develop more effective beliefs. Consider the possibility that your experiences may be different from those of your friends, but that doesn’t mean you are better or worse than any of your friends. Perhaps it means that each of you is a complex human being.
Develop more effective functioning. Instead of avoiding Facebook and posting pictures and status updates to convince others and yourself of your worth, engage with your friends in meaningful ways on and offline.
Despite the emergence of Facebook envy, you can overcome this phenomenon by changing the way you think about yourself while you’re using Facebook.