by William Taboas, M.A.
Have you ever asked yourself, why do we fear failure? And, can I get over this fear? I was listening to a Freakonomics Radio podcast episode named “Failure is Your Friend”, where they stated “When failure is stigmatized and demonized as a society, people try to avoid it at all costs, even though it represents nothing more than a setback”. But, maybe, failure can be your ally. Most successful people fail at mostly everything that they have ever done. Granted, some are born with certain privileges over others that increase the likelihood of succeeding, but the statement still stands. In order to succeed, you have to risk failure. Not only risk failure, endure many instances of failure.
The podcast continues explaining that for every failure, there is a learning opportunity. You can quickly dismiss this statement as silver-lining, feel-good, mumbo jumbo. However, there is evidence to support that we are more inclined as humans to evaluate different paths to pursue our goals when we fail. We can lament our mistakes, AND we can still keep attempting new paths. We also see “quitting” as undesired, because we tend to equate it with failure. You have a choice with quitting a path: You can quit pursuing one goal altogether or you can quit pursuing a singular path to the goal, while attempting to find an alternate path. The key is allowing flexibility.
To demand that failure shouldn’t happen in our endeavors and that failing is equal to “I am a failure” is quite self-defeating. To see life as winning or losing, failing or succeeding, sets you up for a life of constant distressing pressure. To insist on not failing in order to succeed is paralyzing, but rather to see life as a series of challenges (as opposed, to, let’s say, tests) and to accept that one is not defined by failure and that failure is part of living, is liberating.
Now, let me leave you with some questions to reflect on: How will you choose to see failure? What relationship would you like to have with what you consider as “failing”? And how would this be beneficial in attaining your goal(s)?
