by Johna Hansen, L.C.S.W.
How often do you define your self-worth by the amount of money you possess? Because that makes sense, right? If I have at least 3 months pay saved, then people must see me as more important than others with only 0-2 months saved. Or, maybe if you have a net worth of 1 million dollars then your self-worth is higher. So, let’s just say 3 months saved makes us good people. Just kidding. Trying to quantify self-worth based on finances only leads to a bottomless pit of unhealthy negative feelings and behaviors.
Two Certified Financial Advisors I know told me that they spend a lot of time focusing on clients’ psychological wellbeing regarding money. These CFAs said they take the time to educate clients about financial psychology in order to guide these clients toward making more educated financial decisions. These CFAs do this because when their clients’ unhealthy negative feelings get in the way, CFAs tend to notice a block in their clients’ ability to work toward their goals.
While thinking about the way these CFAs approach working with their clients, I remembered a time in my life when I felt guilty for spending money on something that would prevent me from saving toward my goal. I felt guilty because I would constantly tell myself that I was a bad person for spending money when I needed to save. While feeling guilty, I wouldn’t want to save toward my goal anymore and then I’d spend more money. In the future, a healthier approach toward my spending while trying to save will be to tell myself that although it is in my best long-term interest not to spend while I’m trying to save, my worth is not defined by my spending and saving habits. Then, I will most likely feel remorseful instead of guilty and I will be able to continue working toward my goal instead of working against it.
