by Kristene A. Doyle, Ph.D.
I just got back from the dentist 3 ½ years after posting this original blog (sigh, and lower head in shame). When I called, the receptionist asked for my name and she punched it into the computer. As a preemptive strike, I admitted it had been a looooong time, and asked her not to judge. She responded: “I don’t judge. We often find us taking care of others before ourselves. It’s good to have you back.”
What were the chances that the same hygienist 3 ½ years ago who originally chastised me was the one doing my cleaning this morning? She looked at my records and clearly she was judging. Lecturing me that I wouldn’t be in this predicament if I came in more often. Thank you Captain Obvious. I started making myself angry about her judging me and giving me a lecture…again. Why would I expect her to be more understanding this time round? Given the amount of time I was going to be in the chair, I decided to de-escalate my anger by practicing what I preach to my clients on a daily basis. My internal dialogue (obviously, considering her hands were in my mouth) was the following- “She’s most probably judging me right now. She has the right to think of me as an irresponsible, neglectful adult. SO WHAT! This is not my first rodeo with this judgmental woman who clearly has more of a passion for Crest toothpaste than bedside manner. Who cares what this woman thinks about me and my tooth issues.” That statement alone calmed me down. When she was done lecturing me and cleaning my teeth, I decided to try a tactic not all too familiar to me. I decided I was going to kill her with kindness. I thanked her profusely for her advice (come in more regularly for cleanings- again thank you for what I already knew). In turn, she changed her demeanor towards me. She laughed, smiled, and said she would see me soon. Then she gave me my dental doggie bag consisting of a toothbrush (pink, thank you), toothpaste, and some floss.
So…now let’s look at how I got here. I hate the dentist, (still, shocker?). I realize that it’s not the actual procedures that are done such as putting on a crown or dealing with a cavity. It’s that dreadful sound of the tools. As a result of me telling myself that I can’t stand the sound, I avoided the dentist for a good deal of time. My anxiety about those stupid tools created an avoidance that eventually caught up to me with a negative dental consequence. And who’s the fool here? What do I mean I can’t stand the sound? I’ve tolerated it for decades. Why do I continue to con myself into believing something that is simply not true- only to have negative consequences? Because I’m human. I’m not going to beat myself up for this (and the dental hygienist took care of that one for me). I’m going to choose to learn from my experience. I’m going to change my thinking. And floss every night (maybe).
PS- Go to the dentist. You won’t then get a lecture and a tooth extraction and hopefully not a Take Three of this blog a couple of years from now.
