by Johna Hansen, L.C.S.W.
As the holidays approach, there may be a lot of decision making around purchasing gifts. We may want to feel concerned about buying something people would enjoy, but instead we could notice ourselves feeling anxious when thinking people may not enjoy the gift we plan to give them. The beliefs we could hold while feeling anxious could be: “I must give the person a gift they will like”, “It would be awful if this person doesn’t like their gift”, “I will be a terrible person if they don’t like the gift”, and “I won’t be able to stand it if they don’t like their gift”. Recognizing these irrational beliefs are what cause us to feel anxious, we can challenge them. While thinking they might not like the gift, we could dispute our irrational beliefs by asking ourselves these questions: “Where is it written that one must always enjoy gifts we give them?”, “Would it really be a 10 on a scale of 1-10 of awfulness if the person doesn’t like their gift?”, “Does my entire worth really depend on the person liking their gift?”, and “Will I really not be able to handle giving them a gift they don’t like?”
Then we can replace the above irrational beliefs with the following rational beliefs: “I’d prefer it if people are satisfied with whatever I give them, but there is no rule that I should give them a gift they will enjoy”, “It definitely would not be the worst thing in the world if the person does not like their gift”, “I am not a terrible person if the person doesn’t like their gift”, and “I can stand it if they don’t like their gift”. I imagine that after practicing these rational beliefs, we would begin to feel concerned about buying a gift that we think the person would enjoy.
