by Raymond Moody, M.A.
Over the holiday break, while back home visiting my family, I took the opportunity to look at a few wedding venues with my fiancé. We set up a few appointments in the city where we met, which is great because anywhere that is not New York City is much more affordable. We both want to have a nice ceremony and reception and it is important to us that we are able to have a lot of family and friends attend.
One thing that I have learned so far is that there is a lot of excitement when you get to tell everyone that you are engaged but there can be a lot of stress when you actually start planning the wedding.
I was warned to watch out for hidden fees and service charges. I am starting to wonder why more people aren’t in the profession of cake cutting given the incredible amount of money they must make at $3 a slice in such a short amount of time. One thing that caught me a little by surprise was the estimates that some places had for alcohol. One place suggested that we budget $100 per guest for alcohol which equates to $10,000 if you have 100 guests. WHAT?!? There is no way we are paying that much for our guests to not remember our wedding.
We both want our guests to have a good time at the wedding and know that some of our guests may think alcohol is necessary for them to have a good time. We also know that some of our guests may drink more than their fair share. The decision of what to do about alcohol is difficult and I am feeling some anxiety over what is the right decision. I am worried that if we don’t have enough alcohol our friends and family may not enjoy themselves as much. I also don’t want people to think we are cheap. I am worried that if we just give in to having an open-bar from beginning to end that we will be paying off our guests drinks for many years to come. I am also worried that the open-bar may result in embarrassing behavior by some of our guests. My anxiety is pulling me in two different directions and I just want to make a good decision.
Two things stand out as I look at the worrisome thoughts I am having. First, my threshold for tolerating uncertainty is low. I am not sure what the correct amount of alcohol is needed at the wedding and I don’t know what effect my decision will have on the wedding itself. Second, I underestimate my ability to handle when someone else is unhappy. The reality is with over 100 guests there is likely someone who is going to not have as good of a time as they would have liked. I have no control over whether someone enjoys the wedding. Tying this all together, I can think of it a more helpful way. I would like for everyone at my wedding to have a great time but no matter how hard I try, I can’t guarantee that everyone will. We can purchase as much alcohol as our budget will allow, but it may not be enough for some people. I can handle if someone is disappointed with the amount of alcohol available or if they think we are cheap. Just because someone is disappointed doesn’t mean that the wedding was a complete failure or that I am a failure.
I will be sure to monitor my thinking as there are many more difficult decisions ahead. As long as I approach these decisions in a rational way I am sure to experience more of the joy and excitement that comes with getting married.
