by Stephanie Schwartz, M.S.
Tomorrow, September 20th, is my birthday. For the most part, I LOVE my birthday! I usually celebrate with many of my favorite things – family, friends, fun activities, and good food. While my birthday is predominately filled with positive feelings and behaviors, there have been times when this is not the case. As my birthday approaches this year, I can reflect on some of the ways that I have disturbed myself in the past on my birthday. I identified that much of my disturbance is caused by irrational beliefs, particularly demandingness and global evaluation of self and others (e.g., “My family and friends should prioritize celebrating with me and should reach out to me on my birthday. If they don’t they are bad people and I am a loser”). These beliefs have made me feel angry towards others and depressed. For my upcoming birthday I have chosen to replace these beliefs with: “I would really like my family and friends to celebrate with me, but that does not mean that they have to” and “If someone does not celebrate with me or contact me I think it’s unkind, but it does not mean they are a bad person or that I am a loser.” With these beliefs I will likely feel disappointment rather than anger or depression should a similar situation arise. This will allow me to better focus on the positives of my day rather than dwell on anything negative.
