By Dan Prendergast, M.A.
It is a fact of life that time will continue to pass and life will continue to happen, regardless of how ready we might be for it. It is also a fact that multiple difficult times and transitional periods are highly likely for all people, and that we will not be completely ready for every single one of them. People often avoid encountering an adversity until they are prepared for it or until they believe that they are emotionally ready. I think that it can sometimes be healthy to hold off on committing to certain courses of action for a certain period of time, but I also think that there are downsides to “waiting for readiness” if it is done inflexibly or dogmatically.
To focus on a concrete example, let’s imagine that I want to run a 10k one-month from now. For the sake of argument the deadline to register is next week, and the run will raise money for something that is very important to me. Let’s also assume that I do not think that I am ready for it yet because I have only trained to run 5k at a time. I am worried about making a fool out of myself by having to walk the second half of the race while others sprint by me, and I have avoided registering for a month, missing the early-bird discount. I am not training to a degree that would optimally prepare me to run 10k, since I’m not sure that I will even commit to doing so. Of course, people have trouble with more consequential life events (work, relationships, finances etc.), but running is an easy enough example.
How can I think about my problem rationally so that I am better able to make a decision and work towards my goal? First, I can recognize that opportunity might not knock twice. Maybe the race will be held again next year, and maybe it won’t. Is it worth it to sign up now and risk a bad outcome? I’ll answer this in the affirmative. Next, I could ask myself if there is ever such a thing as being completely ready. I might conclude that being completely ready doesn’t seem consistent with my experienced reality, since in the past I have probably been somewhere between 1% and 99% ready (a subjective rating) for various life events, since being 100% ready implies that I am able to perfectly predict the future (which is impossible) amongst other logical problems. Every successful person in history has been less than 100% ready.
Even if I could somehow measure readiness (probably impossible) and for the sake of argument received a certificate from the running gods stating that I was 100% ready (this doesn’t exist), would being perfectly ready guarantee that I would be successful and avoid embarrassment? The answer here is clearly “no,” since I could be perfectly ready and also fail to achieve my goal due to a sprained ankle or other unforeseen circumstance, and could feel embarrassed for any number of reasons. Perhaps I can run the distance, but look ridiculous when I do and think unhelpful thoughts that cause me embarrassment. Regardless of the situation associated with embarrassment, my unhelpful thoughts (a dire fear of failure and need for approval from fellow runners?) are the problem. My unhelpful thoughts are probably influencing my behavior more than a rational evaluation of my capabilities.
A lot of people arbitrarily define the things they have to do in order to be “ready” to pursue a goal. For example, I could be telling myself that I need to train a certain way for exactly 6 months and complete a 9.99k practice run before I let myself attempt a 10k. If I were, it would be helpful to recognize that this waiting period is an arbitrary self-imposed distance between a goal and myself. While the probability of success increases with training, nowhere is it written in stone that I absolutely need to follow a certain regimen, and people who aren’t as rigid about their training have certainly run 10k. When people impose unhelpful barriers between themselves and their goals, they are often implicitly saying, “If I do this before I am ready then I will fail and experience bad emotion, which I can’t stand.” Holding this belief, I might defensively over-prepare and miss out on races that come before I am “ready.” For me, it would be unrealistic to expect absolutely zero negative emotion before, during or after the run, which will probably be a taxing experience. There is a chance that some negative emotion will occur, but I can always choose to tell myself that I can stand the emotion, and that standing the negative emotion is worth it to achieve my goal. Since I am alive and still capable of happiness despite having gone through harder things than a long run, evidence suggests that I can stand it.
Do I need to be completely ready before I commit to doing something hard? I don’t think so. To carry on with something that matters to me against a backdrop of life events that will happen whether I’m ready or not, I just need to be probably ready enough, recognizing that there are no guarantees, just the possibility of success given a reasonable amount of consideration, preparation and luck. Do I absolutely need to keep calm no matter what? No, but I can deal with the negative aspects of the experience if and when they come up. With my irrationality addressed, my more clear-headed decision might be to sign up for the run and tell myself that if I am comfortable with a 5k then a 10k might be achievable. If it is not achievable, it isn’t the worst thing in the world. I could change my attitude from “I must wait ‘til I’m ready because failure is awful,” to “let’s see what I can do.”