Friday Night Live (FNL) is offered twice monthly at the Albert Ellis Institute (dates: https://albertellis.org/friday-night-live/) and runs from 7:00PM to 8:30PM. An REBT specialist leads the event and asks the audience for two volunteers who are willing to present a problem. Attendees that do not present a problem have time to ask questions about the demonstration.
In case you missed it, here’s a synopsis from last Friday’s exciting FNL with John Viterito, LPC. John informed the audience that he would demonstrate specific techniques of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), the founding form of Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT). He explained that this tradition continued in honor of Dr. Ellis, who is the grandfather of CBT and founder of REBT and the Albert Ellis Institute. John stressed that this was a demonstration of REBT, not to be mistaken for an actual psychotherapy session.
The inquiry, “What problem would you like to discuss?” was posed to the first volunteer, who we’ll call Isabella. Isabella began with the activating event. Her husband of over twenty years had an affair that resulted in twins. The couple had two children of their own and her daughter (early 20s) was actually in the audience. Isabella described a practical problem in that she did not know where to live, as they were still residing together. John inquired, “What are the emotions attached to this?”
The woman continued to describe the many layers of this external event. She valued the family unit and wanted a home with both parents for her children. She expressed a preference for having holidays with all family members present. The participant described that, even after the infidelity, she tried to make it work and found that her husband was not putting any effort into their marriage. It was clear that Isabella was very concerned about the dissolution of her family. Again, John gently pressed her, “Let me ask you this. How are you doing, emotionally?”
The participant began to describe a traumatic brain injury that occurred 14 years earlier. Following this incident, Isabella described memory problems and depression. In hypothesizing about the relevance of this disclosure, John asked if she was feeling depressed now. Isabella affirmed that she was depressed and went on to describe thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that are consistent with a major depressive episode. A significant distinction was that the symptoms impaired her daily functioning. A touch of humor was used as Isabella said, “This is so corny to say to a man, but my gray hair hasn’t even been touched up!” John joked backed, “Especially to a bald man.”
John pointed out that most people would experience negative feelings if they had their dreams shattered. However, he also illuminated the difference between sadness (a healthy negative emotion) and depression (an unhealthy negative emotion). Then, John asked the participant about what she thinks is leading to her depression. “I live with my husband–that is making me depressed,” she answered.
Next, John asked Isabella if she knew anyone that went through a similar situation and was not depressed. The participant mentioned two friends that were upset, but not depressed. “If this situation causes people to be depressed, how can there be two people who went through it and were not depressed?” queried John. Isabella disclosed that she was unsure and she seemed intrigued to discuss the answer.
This is when John suggested that it might be the way that she is thinking about the situation. He emphasized the difference between thinking such as “I’m breaking my family apart, the children are suffering, this is terrible, the worst, and I can’t stand it,” compared to “I really don’t like what is happening, it’s unfortunate, but it is not the worst that could happen.” Although this seemed to resonate with the participant, she had a host of other irrational beliefs.
The participant went on to describe further unhelpful thought patterns and stated “I can’t make this work…I’m the biggest loser in the world…I’m no good.” John reiterated, “If you are going to feel sad and not depressed, you need to do something with these thoughts.” “Do you believe the moon is made of green cheese?” he asked. The participant was easily able to dispute this outrageous claim. “Where is the evidence that you should be able to make this situation work?” John asked. John explained to the participant that he had just engaged in the REBT technique of disputing. He instructed her to attack her own unhelpful thoughts with the same vigor that scientists used to prove that the moon was not made of cheese. Essentially, she needed to convince herself that she did what she could and that she is not truly “no good.”
The participant expressed immense gratification for the demonstration and stated, “I got more out of this then I did a $200 full therapy session elsewhere!” John joked with the audience that Isabella had not paid and closed the demonstration by normalizing that many people get themselves into trouble by demanding that reality be a certain way and telling themselves they are no good. The audience seemed to really connect with Isabella and openly expressed this supportive sentiment to her.
The next volunteer was a young male who felt overwhelmed by caretaking responsibilities, college, and work. Do you have a problem that you want help with? Do you want to learn more about REBT? Join us at the next FNL!
Upcoming FNL dates this month:
November 7th at 7pm, presented by Michael Hickey, Ph.D.
November 14th at 7pm, presented by Kristene Doyle, Ph.D.
