by Amanda Rosinski, M.A.
Yesterday was Columbus Day, and because of the holiday, I had the day off from classes and work. While a day off might sound naturally appealing to many, it’s a concept that I have struggled with before. What should I do on my day off? How can I best spend my time, especially since I don’t have many days off? How will I know that I’m spending my time in the best way possible? Using the theory of REBT, it became clear to me that I place many demands on myself when thinking about days off. For example, one belief that I always have is, “I should make the most of my day, and do as many things as possible.” On the other hand, I have the conflicting demand that, “I should relax and enjoy my day off, since I don’t have many days off and I am so tired.” I am should-ing all over the place! Does it really help me to demand so much of myself on days off? Not at all. Does it hurt me to demand so much of myself? It clearly does, because these irrational beliefs cause me to feel anxiety about how I should spend my day. This anxiety completely defeats the opportunity for me to be able to relax or catch up on other tasks during days off. So how can I adapt these demands into more helpful and flexible beliefs?
Instead of saying “I should make the most of my day, and do as many things as possible,” I can adapt this belief into “I would prefer to make the most of my day and get many tasks accomplished, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way.” Similarly, instead of believing, “I should relax and enjoy my day off, since I don’t have many days off and I am so tired,” I can change this belief into “I would prefer to relax and enjoy my day off, but I don’t necessarily have to do that.” These beliefs allow me some flexibility, and therefore change my feelings of anxiety into simply concern. As I reflect on my day off yesterday, I believe that I utilized my new rational beliefs quite effectively. As I rehearsed the new beliefs, I found myself less worried about what to do throughout the day. Because I was not overwhelmed with anxiety, I was able to spend my day both relaxing, as well as catching up on some work and chores.
