by Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
A few months ago, I wrote a blog about the problems associated with giving-up all negative emotions. Not only would this be detrimental to our survival and day-to-day functioning (i.e. think of feeling calm in the face of a bear in the woods), but is also impossible. Lately, I have been thinking about a similar topic…
Let’s take the example of an individual, we can call him Albert, who enters therapy because he is not pleased with his job. Albert was unsure of whether or not he would like to stay at his job, or begin to search for a new job. His complaints are that the work is not challenging, his boss is too demanding, the hours are too long, he is underpaid, and he is no longer interested in the field. Now that sounds pretty unpleasant, doesn’t it?!
After a few sessions of therapy, Albert has learned the REBT model and can successfully identify activating events, beliefs, and emotional/behavioral consequences. The next step is to dispute his irrational beliefs about the way his job should be and the way his boss should treat him, and how he just cannot tolerate spending one more minute at this job! A few more sessions pass and Albert has not only successfully disputed his demandingness and frustration intolerance, but he has also begun practicing his new rational self-statement: Even though I would like my job to be more enjoyable and my boss to be more reasonable, it does not mean things must be that way, and while I may not currently enjoy work, I can tolerate being at my job. At the end of the session Albert’s therapist asks, “With all your hard work spent disputing your irrational beliefs and rehearsing your new rational beliefs, how do you feel about your job now?” Albert responds, “I feel okayyy about it.”
What is the problem in Albert’s response? Put yourself in Albert’s shoes. Would you feel happy in the work situation that Albert described? Considering the “A” did not change, does it make sense that all-of-a-sudden Albert feels positively about the situation? Just because we may think more rationally about a situation, we do not need to be okay with the situation. Acknowledging the situation as it is does not mean giving-up and resolving to remain somewhere we do not want to be. It is OK for Albert to not feel OK about his work situation; however, disturbing himself about it will not help him make an informed decision regarding what steps to take next.
Whether Albert now feels annoyed, frustrated, or disappointed at work he is certainly in a better place to seek out new options then when he was angry and depressed about his situation. Perhaps he will not only find a job he feels okay about, but one he truly enjoys.
