by Megan Sy, M.A., M.S.
One of the great disappointments in my life is biting into a raisin cookie thinking it is chocolate chip. Now I’m sure that there are deeper and more meaningful examples of disappointment, but the core experience is relatively similar. By nature, we all tend to approach situations with some sort of expectation regarding what will happen. Many times, that expectation is a positive one. And many times, unfortunately, we are let down.
There are several ways in which we respond emotionally to these let downs – hurt, sadness, anger. In these situations, I always find it helpful to examine my thoughts about what happened. Admittedly, I have fallen victim to irrational thinking, particularly in regard to the cookie example described above – “This is horrible! I should have gotten chocolate chip because that would have been so much better. I can’t stand my luck.” But this is precisely the kind of thinking that leads to unhealthy emotional responses (e.g., unhealthy anger).
So what’s a chocolate-chip-cookie-lover to do? Well, we cannot avoid being let down – it’s simply part of life. But if we view our expectations flexibly and think about them more as preferences (e.g., “This may be a hassle but certainly not horrible.”; “I would prefer chocolate chip, but I do not need to have it”; “I don’t like having bad luck at times, but I can still tolerate it.), we might be better able to face the disappointments that may come our way. Thinking rationally can help us deal with the disappointment in a manner that does not make us overly distressed. It’s not always easy to do this, particularly when the stakes are high or when the situation is something we value. Practice helps, though. So the next time I am faced with a platter of cookies, maybe I will purposefully choose the oatmeal raisin.
