by Raymond Moody, M.A. 

I was really looking forward to starting my externship at The Albert Ellis Institute (AEI) this week. I had completed several days of training, attended orientation, and purchased the necessary supplies. My plan was to get a good night of sleep, go to the gym in the morning, and get to AEI early so I could be cool and collected before my first client. But, life happens.

Sunday night as I was headed to bed, my partner started complaining about the stomach pain he was having. I suggested that he call the nurse practitioner helpline to see what they thought about his symptoms. A half-hour later we were sitting in the Emergency Room (ER) at a hospital. I was feeling anxious and the anxiety kept increasing with every hour we spent in “Area A” of the ER. The area was overcrowded and the doctors and nurses were working as fast as they could, they didn’t have any open beds so my partner and I sat between a few stretchers filled with patients who had been there for several hours. It looked like we were going to be in the hospital for a long time. I was thinking, “What if this is something serious and he has to be admitted to the hospital? I can’t call-out on my first day. I will look like I am not taking my externship seriously and everyone will think badly of me. I can’t leave my partner’s side with him in the hospital, people will judge me negatively for prioritizing work over my relationship. I can’t stand people thinking negatively of me.”

Struggling with the reality that I can’t be in two places at the same time, my REBT training kicked in. I asked myself, “How are these thoughts helpful? What thoughts could I have that might lead to healthy emotions?” I realized that I prefer to be viewed positively by others but that I can tolerate it if that isn’t the case. Calling-out isn’t how I imagined my first day but sometimes unexpected things happen in life that interfere with our expectations. With my new beliefs, my emotions changed from anxiety to healthy negative emotions, disappointment and concern. These healthy negative emotions made the whole ER experience easier for both me and my partner. I was able to be there for him and am looking forward to my next day at AEI.

Ray Moody