by Johna Hansen, L.C.S.W.
Supervisors, friends, colleagues, and family provide us with feedback often. According to Stone & Heen (2014), feedback falls into three categories: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. It seems like coaching and evaluation are the two categories where receivers of the feedback can become the most disturbed. Stone & Heen (2014) present a good outline for the practical and behavioral steps of receiving feedback. The authors argue that there is also a cognitive component to receiving and responding well to feedback. They state that we may be triggered by truth (we may think the person is not telling the truth), relationships (we may think the person is not smart), or our identity (we may become ashamed). I would just add that our irrational beliefs of demands we place on others and ourselves, our inability to tolerate frustration, our catastrophizing, and our global evaluation of worth would cause us to experience unhealthy negative emotions (anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, etc.). These emotions would then lead us to become unable to receive and respond to feedback in a healthy way. It would be healthier and more productive for us if we believe it is okay for people to give us feedback; we can stand receiving feedback; it’s not the end of the world when we are criticized; and that we are all people with self-worth. Then we would experience healthy negative emotions (concern, sadness, annoyance, regret, etc.) and be more likely to follow through on the practical and behavioral steps provided by Stone & Heen (2014). For instance, we could acknowledge the feedback, thank the person, discuss the feedback with the person further, decide whether or not the feedback is helpful and possibly adjust how we approach a similar situation in the future.
Stone, D. & Heen, S. (2014). Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of
Receiving Feedback Well. New York, NY: Viking.
