By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
Last week while browsing a social media forum, I came across a cartoon by Mort Gerberg that had been published in The New Yorker. The cartoon depicts a therapy office located on tree branches. The main characters are not humans, but insects. There’s a caterpillar on a couch looking up at the therapist, a butterfly with its wings spread. The caption reads, “The thing is, you have to really want to change.” Technically, no one has to do anything, but this cartoon alludes to the essence of what makes therapy successful. Here are some things to consider about the concept of change in therapy:
Change starts with acknowledging a problem that’s leading you to experience unhealthy emotions and to engage in unhealthy behaviors. Some individuals may not see that their thinking causes them to feel and act a certain way. They may even blame someone else.
There are some people who acknowledge their problems, but are still not ready to work on changing the irrational beliefs that are leading to those feelings or behaviors. Many people have held on to their negative feelings and behaviors for so long that they define themselves by that negativity. When people are not ready to change, sometimes it’s because choosing to engage in healthier behaviors is too daunting.
What happens once you discover your irrational beliefs? How do you get to the point where you can make a rational statement and actually believe it? The key is to continue to dispute the irrational beliefs as frequently and in as many ways as possible. Yet, people who fear change often may not make an effort to make strong arguments against their irrational beliefs.
Progress is not always linear. Some people may have a relapse. If such people choose to focus on their negative feelings about the relapse, it will only make it more difficult to achieve their treatment goals. If you find yourself in this position, acknowledge what led to your relapse and problem-solve to avoid finding yourself in a similar situation.
Therapy is a collaborative effort. The therapist’s role is not to coddle a client or dictate to them what they should or should not do. A therapist can create a trusting environment and listen empathetically to the client. A therapist can help a client uncover irrational beliefs and offer suggestions for making changes. But a therapist can’t do the work for the client.
Change can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. As Gerberg’s cartoon suggests, what’s crucial is that you want to change.