Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
One of the most powerful and unique aspects of REBT is, perhaps, the differentiation between negative emotions and unhealthy negative emotions. The typical practitioner of REBT does not expect you to feel happy when you experience an unpleasing event. Nor is it expected that you will feel nothing at all. For example, there’s a difference between being sad about breaking up with your boyfriend and getting depressed about it. Holding on to unhealthy negative unhealthy emotions makes problem solving more difficult. Taking the previous example a step further, depression as opposed to sadness, would probably make it more challenging to move past the breakup and start dating again. Understanding the difference between negative emotions and unhealthy negative emotions helps stop the cycle of defining yourself by your psychological problems.
A second aspect of REBT that stands out is that it is not all about focusing your attention on positive thinking. One potential problem with thinking that you’ll experience the best case scenario is not being emotionally prepared if that scenario doesn’t work out. But if you focus on the worst case scenario, how will you ever find the motivation to reach your goals? There is a fine line between being optimistic, yet realistic. This is where the elegant solution comes in. Hold on strongly to your preferences for the best case scenario. But at the same time, emotionally prepare yourself to tolerate circumstances even if they don’t work out the way you hoped they would.
I also like REBT’s theory of self-acceptance as opposed to self-esteem. If you aim to achieve high self esteem, how high is high enough? In other words, the rating game can continue indefinitely. In contrast, self-acceptance involves reconciling your strengths and weaknesses in order to view yourself as a multifaceted individual.
Application of these techniques can help you get to the point where you really do believe that the way you choose to think about a situation causes distress and not the situation itself.