By Brianna Cheney, M.A.
In his 2005 commencement address to graduating college seniors (This is Water), famed author David Foster Wallace shared life views that coincide remarkably with those maintained by Dr. Albert Ellis and REBT. Foster Wallace dedicated much of his speech to convincing his young adult audience that perhaps more important than learning how to think is learning that you can choose to think differently. As a concrete example of how our thoughts dictate our reality, Foster Wallace painted a vivid picture of how our thoughts can transform even a mundane trip to the grocery store into a torturous experience. He described thoughts that would be classified in REBT as irrational demands of others and frustration intolerance tolerance beliefs: This line is taking way too long! That woman should do something to quiet her screaming toddler! People shouldn’t be talking so loudly on their cell phones! I can’t stand being in here another minute!
In REBT, such thoughts are considered to be irrational and the direct cause of unhealthy anger and misery. Many REBT sessions are focused on challenging these beliefs and helping individuals to recognize that should beliefs (demandingness) can be transformed to personal preferences rather than obligatory laws. In the words of David Foster Wallace, our default tendency is to think that our own “immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world’s priorities.” In other words, our should beliefs are irrationally self-centered! Proving that he would have been an excellent REBT therapist, Foster Wallace urged his audience to choose to think differently in order to not make themselves miserable with such thoughts. Foster Wallace urged listeners to challenge themselves to consider other people’s perspectives and lives (Maybe the loud person on the cell phone is having a personal emergency and is scared) rather than blindly accepting their own should beliefs. In the end, you are only making yourself more miserable with your thoughts.
If the above grocery store anecdote and should beliefs resonate with you, consider listening to David Foster Wallace’s full speech. Even better, during your next frustrating trip to the grocery store or seemingly unbearable high-traffic commute, try identifying self-centered thoughts and challenging them by thinking about the situation from the perspective of people who you think should be behaving differently!
