by Jeff Goldman, M.A.
Anger is one of the most understudied emotions in psychology. Even the DSM-5 diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder does not capture its core facets. In the past 40 years or so, there has been an awakening in the exploration of anger and its related constructs. The theory of REBT has played a major role spearheading this journey into these uncharted empirical waters. Challenging and modifying irrational beliefs can really help one get a grip on this turbulent emotion.
The other day I was shopping and there was a long line. It was delayed because someone needed a price check. Being a fledgling student of REBT, I quickly looked around to see people’s reactions and listened for irrational phrases. Within seconds, the eye rolling and sighing began. Two people said “I can’t stand this!” “This is impossible!” In the past I have uttered the same words….frustration intolerance at its best!! In reality, things seem unbearable but we can all stand them!
Awfulizing is another one. We have all had bad days and sometimes we blow things out of proportion. I used to drive a cab and some days were tougher than others. On one of my tough days driving, I had to take a terminally ill child, with his nurse, from one hospital to another. The kid needed an oxygen tank to breathe and wanted to sit upfront with me. Wow did I get put in my place…my problems paled in comparison to his…he was just trying to breathe!! Boy did I get a grip…things are not that awful!
Then we have the crown jewel of anger’s irrational beliefs, which is demandingness. The notorious “shoulds” and “musts” that pervasively surface everywhere. “I should not have to wait in line!” “I should not have to sit in traffic!” “People must listen to me!” We have all said and/or thought these things at some point. Newsflash…the world does not revolve around us!
