by Amanda Rosinski, M.A.

My office at school is located on the 10th floor of the building, in a school serving at least 15,000 students. This doesn’t include faculty and staff. There are 8 elevators that students, faculty, and staff can take, but needless to say, it gets very backed up at times, especially during peak hours. Usually during those peak hours, I try to hide in my office and avoid leaving the 10th floor, because I have waited 10 minutes for an elevator before. But it’s not always possible for me to avoid the elevator during peak times, and as I think about this problem from an REBT perspective, it’s actually reinforcing my irrational beliefs about using the elevator. What am I telling myself that stops me from using the elevator during busy hours? “It should be a fast ride.” “I should not have to wait so long for the elevator.” “Those people should wait for the next elevator so we don’t have to stop on every floor.” “I cannot stand it when we stop on every floor and it takes me 10 minutes to get to my office!” These irrational beliefs are not only unhelpful, but they cause me to feel angry, and they cause me to avoid leaving the 10th floor. So how can I change my demandingness and frustration intolerance beliefs into more helpful ones?

Instead of demanding that the ride should be fast, that people should wait for the next elevator, and that I should not have to wait so long for the elevator, I can change these into more flexible beliefs. Where’s the evidence that these things must all come true because I want them to? There’s no universal rule book explaining how an elevator ride should occur. And even if there was, these beliefs aren’t helping me feel any better. Therefore, I can state that I would prefer if the ride was fast, if people waited for the next elevator, and that I didn’t have to wait so long for the elevator, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. And is it really true that I cannot stand it when the ride takes so long? I have survived long elevator rides many times before. So, I don’t necessarily like it when the elevator ride takes so long, but I can stand it. These helpful beliefs allow me to feel annoyed, but not angry. Now, I’ll be much less likely to avoid those long elevator rides to my office.

Amanda Rosinski