by Brooke Guttenberg, Psy.D.
A few days ago I had my first real day off. For the first time in a long while I did not have any impending deadlines or outstanding items on my to-do list. Excited at the prospect of actually RELAXING I settled down to enjoy my day. A few hours later, I had cleaned out an entire closet, shredded old bills, created a new “to-do” list, and cleaned my room. I felt a strong sense of accomplishment. However, I found myself reflecting on my goal for the day.
My goal was to relax and enjoy one of the first days of summer. Not only did I not leave my house, but I did not sit still for more than 10 minutes. As I reflected back on my day, I could not figure out what bothered me the most: (i) that I still had another closet I really wanted to clean out, or (ii) realizing that I may have lost the ability to be non-productive for a day. While the latter is a bit of a joke (trust me, I can certainly be lazy at times), this situation got me thinking about motivation. How much motivation is just the right amount? Is it possible to have too little motivation? How do you know when it is okay to relax and understand the distinction between relaxation and laziness?
I am not quite sure if there is a clear answer to this question and rather the definitions are likely to change based on the individual. For instance, engaging in behavioral activities that provide a sense of accomplishment and/or are pleasurable is critical in fighting depression and improving one’s mood. That being said, only engaging in pleasurable activities and disregarding responsibilities can lead to long-term consequences. Furthermore, our bodies need time to relax and regroup. One can only push for so long. Then how do we create a balance?
One thing I do know is making myself feel guilty did not get me very far. Telling myself “I must be productive even though it is my day off” led me to turn my free time into a cleaning frenzy. On the flip side, I then made myself angry by thinking “I should be able to enjoy my free time even if I do have things to accomplish!” How could I have created a better balance?! My rigid demands only led to rigid behaviors. If I could think more flexibly about my day, I would have been better able to problem solve and act in a more flexible manner. For instance, if I had told myself “it would be nice to be productive, but there is no rule I must be productive every second of the day!” I likely would have better managed my time. Even if my day did not go as planned, getting angry at myself for an event that happened and could not be changed, will not solve any problems.
Furthermore, relaxing does not automatically mean being lazy! Whether or not motivation and high productivity are a personal value or not, self-care and enjoyment are also high priorities. At times it can be difficult to distinguish the difference between avoidance or procrastination, and well-deserved time off or relaxation. While there may be no clear cut answer to finding a well-balanced day-to-day routine, it often helps to look at our thoughts and start by weeding out those rigid demands and exploring whether or not you are acting in line with, or against your goal.
