by Jeff Goldman, M.A.
What is perfection? Free from flaws? What is a flaw? Something that is imperfect? Sounds fallacious and circular to me! Yet many strive to be perfect, even though logically, this line of thinking is tenuous at best. As a matter of fact, it is riddled with more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese! Ironically then, one can deem striving to be “perfect” as an “imperfect” way of living.
Where does this need to be perfect come from? In my opinion, it is ubiquitously championed by cultural tenets and principles. At a young age, we are told to get the best grades in school. For me, this continued into my adult life as a graduate student. Admission to a psychology Ph.D. program is competitive and anything short of the best was unacceptable. At times, I wondered if I was genuinely learning new material or just learning how to get that perfect test score. Sports is another example. The 1972 Dolphins were the only NFL team to go undefeated. Does anyone just as readily remember the team they defeated in the Super Bowl? Probably not because that team came in second! The 2007 New England Patriots did not lose until the Super bowl. Some say, because they lost, going 18-0 beforehand does not count. Once again, being the runner up was not good enough! I used to play a lot of videogames growing up. Yes even in the fun-filled world of electronic gaming, the beleaguering little perfect monster wreaks havoc! Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter were two of my favorites. If you managed to get through a round without getting hit, it was considered to be “perfect” in Street Fighter and a “flawless victory” in Mortal Kombat.
Now after we have all been constantly pelted by this “imperfect” storm of indoctrination, it becomes inveterately rooted into our psyche. It is here where I turn to REBT as a means to free us from these “imperfect” binds of irrationality. Global evaluations condemning the self are one of the main culprits here. “I am stupid because I didn’t do well today!” Have you done well on other days? What other achievements do you have? Does that one bad day solely define you? Michael Jordan is arguably one of the best basketball players that ever lived. Because he didn’t make every shot, should we still consider him to be great? Demandingness is another one (e.g., “I must be perfect!” “I should not make any mistakes”). “Shoulding” and “musting” ourselves with these untenable rules (see first paragraph) is like a cat chasing its own tail or a hamster running on a wheel! In other words, you might not get far!
I now pose this question: Would you like to “imperfectly” strive to “perfect” or take it easy and enjoy yourself? Like Dr. Ellis, I prefer the latter because as he stated: “The goal of all life is to have a ball!”
