by Elissa Habinsky, M.A., M.S.

Language plays a central role in the practice of REBT, and as such I have been paying close attention to the language that I use, as well as those around me. What I have noticed is the widespread misuse of English words, particularly the word “need”. Ellis believed that the only things that we as humans need are those essential items required for survival such as air, water and food. With that said he also acknowledged that our society does a poor job teaching us to discriminate our wants from our needs. Therefore, most of the time when a person wants something, they simply use the word need.

While walking on the streets of New York City, you often overhear people misusing the word. I recently found a comical version of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid that included WiFi as being paramount to our basic physiological needs. I think this is particularly accurate as in this day in age many of us have become increasingly dependent on our technologies and believe that we need continuous WiFi access and/or the newest Apple product.

Personally, I fell into the “need trap” the other day when it was over 90 degrees and I told myself that I needed AC. I clearly did not need AC, but rather I very much wanted it. It was a preference not a necessity. Changing the word need to really really want actually makes a big difference. When you tell yourself that you need something and then you don’t get it, it can lead to a variety of irrational thoughts and unhealthy negative emotions. Need is an emotionally charged word whereas want is less so. Therefore the next time it is 99 degrees out and you are somewhere without AC, remind yourself that what you need are those things that you actually cannot live without.  You only want the cool air that the AC provides. This may be easier said than done.

Elissa Habinsky