by Elissa Habinsky, M.A., M.S.

Men and women alike enjoy shopping. People frequent malls, drive long distances to premium outlets and spend hours perusing online sites in an effort to find the goods they desire. However, my best friend from childhood has never liked shopping. I’ve noticed this over the years, but only recently asked her about it. When I did, she disclosed, that she often fantasizes about having a personal shopper so that she would never have to frequent a clothing store again. It is not that my friend is lazy. In fact, she is actually quite the opposite. Rather she loathes the decision-making process involved in shopping. More specifically, there comes a point when one has to choose to purchase an item or not. Instead of  easily deciding yay or nay like you or I, she engages in an inner debate where she worries about making the “right” decision. She tells herself that she “must make the right decision” , and that is where she gets herself into trouble. Behaviorally, what occurs next is twofold (and I have witnessed both). She either leaves the store empty-handed because she cannot make a decision and therefore by default decides not to purchase anything, or she decides to bring the item home so she can further hem and haw about the decision. Both outcomes are not particularly healthy or adaptive.
If I were to look at her thinking through an REBT lens, I would point out the irrationality of her beliefs. What is a “right” decision? And how would she know if she came to such a decision? Even if she could define what the “right”decision was, why “must”  she make the right decision? Clearly, it would be preferable to make a good decision, but that is very different than demanding yourself to make the absolutely 100% correct decision.
As she was telling me all of this, I listened and validated her. Then, I gently suggested the healthy rational alternative which is “It would be preferable to make a good decision, but I do not have to make the right decision.” She quietly nodded in agreement. I am not sure what impact this will have, but I guess we will see on our next shopping outing together!

 

Elissa Habinsky