by Jennifer Shindman, M.S.
This past Monday I made a pretty big mistake at work. As my supervisor would still be away when we got back from winter break, he asked me to do something for him for an upcoming meeting. Because I forgot to write it down in my planner before we had a week off, I totally forgot to do it. When he followed up with me that night to see how it went, I totally lost it. My heart started to race, I got very hot, and felt very anxious. I was thinking that I was a terrible employee and that he was going to think I was incompetent. The task he had assigned to me, although relatively simple, was vital for a meeting that was to happen a few days later. What was wrong with me? How could I forget? If I could not do this simple task, then what was I doing working there at all? I went on like this for a few minutes until I was able to distance myself from the situation. Then I examined the thoughts I was having that were leading to this intense anxiety. Let’s take a look:
- First, I was globally evaluating and devaluing myself and my worth based on this ONE EVENT! I have been working at this site for over six months, and now, based my ONE mistake, I was not only telling myself that I was an unfit employee, but that I was inadequate!! Am I not entitled to make mistakes? Am I not a fallible human being just like everyone else? What would I have told my friend if she was in the same position? I was throwing out all of the work I’ve done for the last six months based on this one mistake; I was throwing out the baby with the bath water! Once I was able to challenge my beliefs in this area, I was able to calm down and focus on where to go from there. I still felt bad and was very concerned about the mistake I made, but I did not let it define me as a person.
- In addition to telling myself I was inadequate based on my mistake, I was also telling myself that my supervisor was going to hate me and think I was incompetent. Now that I am writing this from a rational place, I understand that it is probably not true, but let’s assume for a minute that it is. Based on my mistake, he will think I am incompetent. Now, if I go to work tomorrow and hold this belief, how will it help me prove myself to be competent? If I am riddled with fear that he thinks I am an idiot, am I more likely to focus on my work and my goals, or will I be too distracted by worrying about what he is thinking (something I have no control over anyway)? If my goal is to do a good job, then my worrying about his thoughts about me, which again, I have NO control over; it will interfere with my goal.
By examining and challenging my irrational beliefs, I was able to change my emotion from unhealthy anxiety to healthy concern. However, once I spent quite a bit of time doing this, I received another text message from my supervisor. It turns out the meeting was rescheduled to a later date….
