By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
‘Tis the season! But will you be jolly or not? The answer depends on how well you can manage the stress caused by irrational beliefs that tend to surface during the Holiday season. Perhaps you know people who have a very difficult time dealing with the Holidays. You may be one of those people. Yet, you may also know people who hate to see the Holiday season come to an end. Perhaps the difference between individuals in these two groups is not the situation (the Holiday season), but the thoughts each individual has about the situation.
Irrational beliefs about the Holiday season can fall into four main categories:
Demandingness– Demands can be made on yourself, others, or the world (e.g., “I must host the perfect dinner”).
Awfulizing– Expecting things will be completely terrible. Envisioning the worse case scenario (e.g., “It will be completely awful to shop for all these gifts”).
Low Frustration Tolerance– Believing you cannot tolerate discomfort (e.g., “I can’t stand seeing that person each year”).
Global Evaluations– Making generalized statements about yourself, others, or the world (e.g., “I can’t accept the invitation and because I can’t, I’m a horrible friend”).
Once you are able to identify your irrational beliefs, you can work on disputing them: How are your irrational beliefs helping? For example, how much time do you lose focusing on your irrational beliefs? That’s time that could be better spent planning, shopping, and enjoying the Holidays. Also consider asking yourself if there is any evidence that supports your beliefs and if there is any evidence that refutes your beliefs. Remember, disputing will be most effective when you do it frequently. Frequent disputation will help you develop healthier beliefs. You could tell yourself “It will be completely awful to shop for all these gifts” and get yourself anxious. Or, you may consider telling yourself, “It will be unpleasant shopping for these gifts, but shopping for these gifts is not the worst experience in the world” and feel less anxious.
Once you learn to manage your emotional issues, you’ll find that it will often be easier for you to address practical issues. Clear thinking that is unaffected by strong emotions leads to more effective problem solving. Here are some practical tips:
Plan– Set goals, prioritize, and monitor your progress. Use calendars and alarms. However, be flexible and reward yourself when you complete a major task or a big chunk of work.
Stay Healthy– Try to eat balanced meals, get sufficient sleep, and exercise. This regime may help keep you less vulnerable to the psychological and physical effects of stress.
Be assertive– Practice assertiveness skills if the situation arises. Describe the situation objectively, state your emotions using an “I statement”, state your preferences, and describe the positive consequences for both parties involved. Be prepared to handle your emotions if someone doesn’t accommodate your preferences.
Collaborate– Don’t think you have to do everything all by yourself- ask for help. Use time together with friends and family members to rekindle or strengthen relationships. And finally, remember to have fun.
Happy Holidays!