by Brianna Cheney, M.A.
As fun and exciting as trips can be, traveling often comprises some level of stress. Anyone who has missed or come close to missing a train or plane knows that this can lead to a surge of adrenaline and a tense environment. Although it can be easy to blame our travel partners for creating this stress (“I told you that we should have left earlier!”), our thoughts about travel mishaps –rather than our travel partners- are the mechanisms creating and maintaining our emotional distress!
When I reflect on my own tense travel moments, I can quickly identify three types of irrational beliefs that have created unhelpful feelings of anxiety, depressed mood, and anger for myself and my travel companions. First and foremost are the tendencies to catastrophize and to convince ourselves we can’t handle the stress associated with the situation. When we are traveling, there is often a lot of uncertainty (Is there another train out of this city tonight? How much are new tickets going to cost us?) and our instinct might be to jump to the worst case scenario. As good REBT self-helpers, it’s important to remind ourselves that even if the worst case scenario occurs (e.g., you miss your flight and there’s not another one leaving until tomorrow), there’s a good chance that you can tolerate the financial, logistical, and emotional consequences. I will be the last person to minimize the unpleasantness of spending the night in an airport; however, at the same time, I know from personal experience that awfulizing the situation does not make sleeping on airport chairs more comfortable!
A second unhelpful belief is “shoulding” about our own and our travel partners’ behavior. When we catch ourselves becoming angry at ourselves or our companions, it’s important to remind ourselves that as much as we wish we would have left earlier or booked a later train or flight, demands about changing past behavior are irrational and unhelpful. When I catch myself “shoulding,” I find it helpful to think of the saying: “It wasn’t a waste of time (or money) if you learned something.” This is a helpful reminder that, although our behavior failed to get us what we wanted this time, the lesson learned from this mishap will prepare us to be wiser travelers in the future.
