by William Taboas, M.A.
A goal of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and one of the major tenets of REBT, is not so much to learn what we gain from life and how to get it, but to learn to let go. The paradox of this notion is that the more you let go, the more you allow yourself to experience more out of life and gain more fulfillment. However, you will have to have an accepting attitude towards stress, and chances are you will probably cringe at that idea. But hear me out…
Do you need stress? How much stress do you need? You will probably say no, I don’t want it, and I definitely don’t need it. If that’s the case, I respectfully disagree (at least in idea, I don’t like to stress myself!). However, by actively resisting stress, the more I tell myself “this is too much” or “I can’t handle this”, the more I fuel the feeling of stress. So instead, I tell myself I want the stress. I aim to do my best to accept and embrace it. Paradoxically, it reduces the intensity of stress itself. It keeps me thinking, it keeps me active, and it keeps me focused, as opposed to muddle-headed, paralyzed, and distracted.
Stress can come with different emotions (e.g., anger, anxiety, guilt, shame), and with different bodily sensations (e.g., muscle tension, stomachaches, fatigue). In that case, the helpful exercise is not about suppressing the emotion or sensation, but to stop actively resisting the unhelpful emotion or sensation. Be mindful and identify what stresses you out, and do your best to let go of resistance (but not demand it away!).
