By Brooke Guttenberg, M.S.
Understanding may not be equivalent to believing, adopting, or practicing. Self-reflection and introspection may help us uncover maladaptive patterns of thinking and coping; however, recognizing does not always bring about change. This “Head-Gut” problem may arise when we understand the irrationality of our beliefs that lead to negative unhealthy emotions (anxiety, depression, unhealthy anger); however, we have yet to replace them with a philosophy facilitating healthier alternatives (annoyance, frustration, sadness). While we may be able to recite how our irrational beliefs are unhelpful, as well as recognize the benefits of new rational beliefs, we may be resistant to putting these new beliefs into practice.
Whether we are participating in therapy or working independently, we all enter the process of change at different stages. It is important to recognize that while we may be open to considering a new philosophy of thinking, the idea of working to support such change may seem too overwhelming or unappealing. For instance, it is one step to recognize how procrastination is not only impeding one’s productivity and preventing future growth, but another to begin taking steps toward changing this behavior.
What are you going to do about seeing change through? What steps are you going to/willing to take in order to register these changes in your gut? How will you make these new philosophies your philosophy? What is the cost of changing versus the benefit of changing? More importantly, what are the costs of not changing versus the benefits of not changing? While you can be taught the skills and techniques, the responsibility lies in oneself to put these into play. Just as an athlete entering the Olympics trains and prepares for the event, the motivation to succeed and achieve does not come from their coaches or fans, but rather the athlete deciding to become dedicated to the process.
Rather than engaging in self-downing if the “Head-Gut” interaction does not happen immediately, perhaps take a different stance. As much as we may want to reach our goals as soon as possible, it does not mean that change must happen immediately. It is important to focus on where we have gotten before where to go next. Recognizing the benefits of changing one’s emotions or behaviors is a necessary first step. Developing insight into the irrationality behind one’s thinking is another steppingstone to overcome, before one can truly begin practicing different ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. Reward yourself for each gain, while keeping your long-term goals in mind.
Practice this new philosophy and make it your own. Adopt a new internal script in both times of calm and those of turbulence. Recognize the discrepancy between your beliefs and reality and work to give up the beliefs that are getting in your way. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort that comes along with change and use this as a signal to work even harder. Accept yourself for those times when you may fall back into old habits, and challenge yourself to use such moments as a reminder of how far you have come, as well as your ability to alter the path you would like to take. Moreover, take the responsibility of change upon yourself and ask the question “What are you going to do about it?”