by Carly Mayer, M.S.
I love to plan. By planning when I will take care of my responsibilities and activities, I can be prepared for what is to come so that I experience little stress. Also, if something is unexpectedly thrown my way, I can usually handle it because I have already taken care of my other responsibilities ahead of time. I do not enjoy the feeling of anxiety and I can honestly say that because I organize myself, I rarely experience elevated anxiety. However, I have recently learned that the practical solution of planning does not always work and therefore, I need to address my feelings of anxiety when my responsibilities seem out of my control.
I am in my fourth year of graduate school, which means that I have a full course load, a part time externship, and I am proposing my dissertation in the next month. Specifically, proposing my dissertation is a tedious process. It requires writing, editing, and constant revisions and feedback from a mentor. This is not something I could plan for. This is something that requires hours of work and constant effort. I noticed that I was telling myself “I have to stick to my schedule” and “I have to complete each part on a specific day within a specific time.” Well, this was not helping, as often I was not able to work within that schedule. Further, it resulted in high levels of anxiety that distracted me from completing my work. When I noticed these beliefs I decided to focus on changing these demands to preferences. “I would like to stick to my schedule” and “I would like to complete my work during this specific time” BUT “it does not have to be that way”. Just because I set aside the time to do the work and made a schedule does not mean it will always work out that way. If I do not complete it in that allotted time, and I am still capable of working on it another time.
This anxiety is not helping me and it is keeping me from completing the tasks that must get done. If I can focus on my tasks and turn my anxiety into concern, I think that my motivation will increase, as will my productivity. So, even though I like to plan and be in control, this cannot always be the case. Instead, I will continue to plan, but I will also focus on keeping my anxiety in check to be most productive and less stressed.
