by Brooke Guttenberg, Psy.D.
“Why isn’t this working, will this ever work?” Many individuals new to psychotherapy, including REBT, may experience similar thoughts when working to apply new principles to presenting problems or difficulties. It can be uncomfortable to face problems and attempt new strategies for achieving solutions.
When the changes we hope to see are not immediate, or may be more difficult to come by, one can experience feelings of frustration. Such an emotional reaction is adaptive in the sense that one may be more motivated to continue pushing forward, and seek change. Additionally, it is highly unlikely one would feel positive when experiencing difficulty achieving a much desired goal. It is when these feelings shift from frustration that one’s behaviors will shift to self-defeating rather than motivating.
What would lead to such a shift? Holding on to beliefs such as “I must see changes immediately” or “I cannot stand the fact that these new strategies are not working” will lead to feelings such as anger or frustration intolerance. Without challenging such rigid and illogical beliefs it will only become more difficult to effect change. For example, we can examine the logic behind the first belief. Why must we see change? Moreover, why must we see immediate change? The answer to both questions is that there is no evidence in support of the belief, rendering it illogical. Furthermore, working toward a cognitive shift takes time and effort. The irrational beliefs that we tend to hold on to the strongest are those that are deeply engrained in our patterns of thinking. It will take time to change old habits and establish new styles of coping. Thus, when taking this viewpoint, why would we expect change to occur immediately?
The second belief is demonstrating frustration intolerance. The more an individual tells himself or herself that they could not possibly tolerate the discomfort, the more their body will begin to believe it. Thus, the moment a new strategy seems unsuccessful, an individual holding such a belief will likely give up very quickly. This will get in the way of continuing to challenge irrational beliefs and practice new ways of thinking.
So what can one think instead? It is highly preferable that new strategies and patterns of thinking are beneficial, especially if they are being employed during times of discomfort; however, though one may want change to occur immediately, it does not mean that this must be the case. Additionally, while it can be uncomfortable to sit with discomfort and/or slow progress, that discomfort does not mean one cannot stand it. Until we can challenge our beliefs about progress and change, we are likely to remain at a standstill. Just as with other skills we develop in life, practice makes perfect, even if the practice may not be as perfect as we would like.
