By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
When you meet someone, how long is it before the conversation turns towards what each of you do for a living? My guess is, not very long. Many people engage in such a conversation out of genuine interest or as a way to break the ice. Yet, introductions can turn into somewhat of a rating game fairly quickly.
Whenever I hear the “What do you do?” icebreaker, I am reminded of a particularly memorable segment of the documentary Born Rich. In the segment, Italian baron Cody Franchetti spoke about his annoyance with people who upon meeting him, immediately ask him what he does. He was under the impression that when most people asked him this question, they were not really interested in who he is as a complete person. As a way of protesting what he perceived to be a rude question, when asked what he did for a living, he would bluntly answer, “I’m rich.”
Whether you’re rich, poor, or somewhere in between, how you feel about yourself when you talk about your career is influenced by what you think. Do you rate yourself based on the work you do? If so, have you experienced the consequences of rating yourself based on your career? Consequences may include depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, low self-acceptance, and isolation – take your pick. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some tips to avoid rating yourself based on your career.
Uncover irrational beliefs. Do you believe you MUST have a certain type of job and that you are worthless if you don’t have that job? MUST you make a specific amount of money or else you believe you are worthless? Do you believe others MUST respect you because you have a certain type of job?
Dispute irrational beliefs. How are holding on to your irrational beliefs helping? How is it possible for one aspect of your life to define your entire existence?
Practice self-acceptance statements. Instead of telling yourself something like, “My self-worth is defined by my job,” consider something along the lines of “My job is what I do, but it doesn’t completely define who I am.” Come up with statements specific to your situation. Practice until you can say each statement with conviction.
Overcoming the rating game in regards to your career boils down to learning self-acceptance. Each day presents more opportunities to practice. How will you practice self-acceptance today?