by Eric Sudler, M.S.
Too often in real life situations, people only assume two possible paths to choose from. I can get angry and shout or I can keep my mouth shut. I must rigidly stick to my diet or stuff my face until I can’t move anymore. I can complete my project in one setting or I can procrastinate until next week. I can make this choice or choose the polar opposite choice. In the heat of the moment, when you’re at the point of decision, many of the possible decisions are hidden from our view. It only appears that we can choose one direction or the other direction. However, it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that the middle path is the most rational path to take during these times. No one says it’s easy, which is why it’s the road less traveled, but it usually leads to more favorable results.
For instance, I had a friend who was experiencing some problems with a very rude and obnoxious young man at the gym she attends. On one particular day, the young man was being particularly loud and inconsiderate to just about everyone in the gym, making unnecessary comments and voicing his opinion where it was not needed. When he directed these actions towards my friend, she unleashed weeks of pent up anger due to his actions. Because this is a family friendly blog, I won’t quote verbatim what she said to him rather loudly in front of everyone in the middle of the fitness center. Needless to say, it was not very polite. When she told me about this situation, she was resolute that she had made the correct decision.
“After all,” she explained to me, “the only other option was to just sit there and say nothing.”
Well… not quite. You see, there were definitely more than two polarized options in this scenario. In fact, in this case, the middle ground would have been more rational as well as assertive. Screaming four letter words in a crowded gym is just as unassertive as saying nothing and letting the problem fester in your mind until it bubbles over in ineffective and sometimes antisocial manners. Taking the road less traveled would have allowed my friend to calmly express her feelings and discontent with the young man in a respectful way. Unfortunately, she unleashed a verbal storm to which the young man is probably confused about to this day. Because of the manner in which it happened, I’m sure he focused more on how she said it as opposed to what she said.
So how do we train ourselves to see more options? Well, how do we train ourselves to do anything? Emotions are not much different. Rehearsing more rational thoughts during the less stressful times definitely helps. Think of a sports team that only shows up to their games but doesn’t practice. What will be their record at the end of the season? Or consider an orchestra that attends their concerts, but never rehearses in preparation for their concerts. Ticket sales will probably not be favorable for them. Why should life be any different? Why should emotions be any different? If we just show up to the big game (an unexpected emotional moment as my friend experienced) without going to practice (rational rehearsal statements, flexible thinking, being assertive, etc.) you will probably lose more times than you will win. However, I digress.
The main point is that there are usually more options than those you see during these moments. Often times in our emotional journeys, we come to a path that will diverge into what seems like the only possible direction to go. You are only one person, you cannot travel both. However, if you look hard enough, you will see the middle ground, which is usually more flexible and beneficial. Taking the road less traveled will make all the difference.