by Merav Harris, M.S.
They say age is “only a number”, when in fact it can be a lifetime hallmark. Turning 16 is the year you begin to drive; 17 the year you can get into R-rated movies; 18 the year you can vote; 21 the year you can drink (legally); and 25 the year drivers insurance companies give you breaks on your accident premium. But what if you’ve already passed these birthday milestones, and can’t help but feel that you haven’t reached what you’ve intended to accomplish thus far? Especially in a society that treasures youthfulness, adding another year to your age can make you feel over the hill.
I celebrate my birthday in a few short days. I choose not to disclose my age, but I will say that I feel an eternity-years-old. I’ve recently experienced heartache and devastation, which translates to tremendous personal and emotional setback (I am confident people can relate to this feeling). With that being said, I have two choices: I can carry my birthday as that extra burden of growing older, wondering if I have achieved what I wanted by this age, worry about the future or even think about my mortality. Or I can take stock in my present position and decide where I want my life to go from here. I can look to the future instead of the past, and focus on positive thoughts. After all, I can be the captain of my own destiny.
Adopting rational and more flexible, forgiving coping statements requires me to examine my current dysfunctional thought process. Firstly, I am catastrophizing my current life status. Devastations in my life have been painful and destructive, but holding onto that pain forever will only suppress my ability to move forward. Secondly, I am rating myself too harshly and forgetting all that I actually have accomplished. I cannot allow my mind to define myself as a failure just because I experienced a few bumps in the road. What I can do, is dust myself off and try again. And again. And again and again. If I’ve learned anything from life, it’s that things don’t always turn out so well. So I’d like to take this opportunity to remind myself that I have my whole life ahead of me, and I am in charge of the thoughts I keep. As my paternal great-grandfather would say, “You’re only as old as the woman you feel”. I’d like to interpret that crude (but funny) joke to mean that, “how old you feel” depends on your mindset. So happy birthday to me.