by Eric Sudler, M.S.
It’s funny how easily one can get stuck in a rut. We as humans easily fall into patterns where we constantly do the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. It reminds me of lab mice furiously pressing the same lever or button hoping that this will be the time they receive that cheese or food pellet or reinforcer. Now, I have nothing against mice except for if they try to live rent free in my apartment, but I wouldn’t model my life after them. Sometimes we have to recognize and break the patterns ourselves.
Last week while working at a local middle school, there was a student who came into my office that was particularly fond of basketball (he even dreams of playing in the NBA one day). Honestly, this popular young man is one of my favorite students to speak with and is a pretty good kid. Unfortunately, he is known to be a bit impulsive every now and then, especially with one particular teacher that he does not get along with. So, of course, when he walks into my office unscheduled, I can only assume it’s related to a brief lapse in judgment on his behalf with that teacher.
“So what brings you here today,” I said as he walked in with that mischievous smile of his, “What happened this time?”
“My teacher told me to come down and see you,” he said without losing that trademark smile of his.
“Well, surely she had a reason. What happened?” I asked.
“The usual. I think she’s out to get me. It’s so annoying when she kicks me out of class.”
Now, “’the usual” can take the form of many scenarios in this case, but it usually involves the young man disrupting class, the teacher intervening and then asking him to leave. This usually results in a phone call home and some unfavorable sanctions (detention, no TV, videogames, etc.) which the young man really hates. It’s always the same pattern/series of events which lead to these sanctions. This means that his actions/behaviors are usually the same in each scenario to produce the same results. Unfortunately, this insight is lost on my friend that sat before me.
“OK,” I started, “let’s assume that it’s you versus her as you usually insinuate. Except in this instance, let’s assume you and her are playing basketball. She’s on defense and you’re on offense. Now let’s assume that every time you have the ball, you run the same offensive play. Every time you run that play, she immediately steals the ball, blocks your shot, or causes you to turn it over which prevents you from making a basket. What would you do on the court if this was what happened every time with a particular play?”
“Obviously,” he said as if this were elementary work, “I would change up my offense, run a different play, or do something new until I could find a way to score.”
“Excellent. So why can’t you do that in the classroom? You keep doing the same thing with this teacher and then come in here frustrated expecting change. You may not have direct control over your teacher’s behavior and attitude towards you, but you can certainly influence it.”
“So if this were a basketball game, I’d be losing?” he asked.
“I’m afraid so, Mr. Future NBA star,” I smiled. “Your 50 year old teacher is embarrassing you on the basketball court.”
What ensued was a conversation about the definition of insanity and how easily we fall into patterns and expect something different to magically happen. It’s not always easy to spot. If it were, I’d probably be out of a job. The discussion I had with that young man probably benefitted me more than it did him. It really got me thinking about the instances or habits in my life where I need to stop, call time out, and regroup with a different approach.
My recommendation to anyone reading this is to really look at the frustration inducing areas of your life or perhaps any area that you desire to change and ask yourself why you’re living the definition of insanity? Maybe it’s time to change the offense.