by Fabian Boie, M.S.
“Don’t ask the world to change….you change first.” Anthony de Mello, Awareness
Have you ever been so busy driving, that you forgot to put gas in your car? Have you ever asked yourself where did the weekend go, or the last month, or the past year?
Every day we feel as if we are running on a merciless treadmill, always going somewhere, seeking an ever- eluding destination: our office, our kid’s school, a promotion, a vacation. I feel that in the last years, we started living our lives by the second and do everything in order to “save time”! As if we could take that time, put it in a bank, and use it later! We refuse to accept that “everything flows”, and tell ourselves that we will “do it later”! But as the saying goes, “If not now, when?”
Our society values most speed, efficiency and fast in everything: fast food, fast dates, fast love, fast cars, fast remedies, etc! We are addicted to living fast lives and even like bragging about it. I advocate for the value of slowing down, of taking the time to enjoy the air, the clouds in the sky, the people around you! I plead for the value of enjoying life instead of chasing it! I plead for staying in touch with ourselves, with our thoughts, feelings, dreams and ideas instead of escaping into entertainment, virtual worlds and false identities. I plead for slowing down and re-discovering the relationships we are part of, the people we meet every day, because here and now is all we have!
For example, slow down and take a good, close look at your loved ones: your parents, your children, your grandparents or even the people on the street or in the subway! Do you really SEE them as they are or as you are? Do you respond to them or you are rather reacting to them based on an image you have of them, a memory, or a prejudice? Slowing down your rat race will give you the time to get in touch with the reality of your relationships and revisit them. However, that asks for a lot of courage, since so few people choose to do it!
What REBT teaches us is that in order to start responding to situations in our life, instead of reacting, we first need to be aware of our premises- of our mental maps and beliefs. When something goes wrong, when you find yourself “reacting” to a situation (e.g., anger, depression, fear and worry), check your assumptions, check your beliefs. However, can we really do this as long as we remain caught in life’s flow, living like automatons? Slowing down with our life will give us a chance to catch up with ourselves and to know ourselves better! “An unexamined life is not worth living”, said Socrates. If we do this, we will stop asking for others to change and accept reality and others as they are! How can you do this?
One way is to walk slower, feel the ground under your your feet and the joy of being able to move around. Try eating slower and appreciate every bite, the flavors, the taste and the joy of your palate, but also think about the work, the time and the talent it took to prepare it and get it on your table. Also, try breathing slower and be mindful of every breath; fill up your lungs with fresh, crisp air, and do not just take it for granted.
In today’s rushed world, I feel we have forgotten a simple truth: it is not about reaching the summit, it is not all about arriving at the destination or about beating the clock! As the song put it: “Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb!” It is all about the journey itself! The slower you go, the more you enjoy it!
So….slow down! That is how the turtle won the race, after all!