by Rebecca Eliason, M.S.
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and, as usual, there has been a lot of anticipation of this day. Restaurants have been booked, gifts picked out, cards purchased and perhaps even some courting done in order to have a date for the big night. There’s no doubt about it, it’s an intense time of year. Everywhere you go people are asking what your Valentine’s Day plans are, as if everyone is expected to have someone to spend this one day a year with. The societal pressures, whether they are perceived or actual, can certainly lead to an anxiety provoking few weeks. I find this struggle to make Valentine’s Day so cookie cutter to be inherently problematic. For example, the more anxious you are about having plans, the more you impede yourself from achieving this goal, as you may start to turn off the people you are looking to impress. I picture the classic nagging girlfriend asking her boyfriend daily about their plans, so she can have the perfect night to tell all her friends about. My guess would be that the boyfriend might be too irritated to in fact plan her dream evening.
Furthermore, many people begin to believe that everyone has a significant other, a date for V-Day, and/or a special gift or romantic evening prepared, when in fact that is not the case. While I have no doubt that many bouquets of flowers are in fact purchased on 2/14, I also have no doubt that many are not purchasing or receiving such bouquets. Perhaps society and Hallmark have even declared a mandate regarding Valentine’s Day, but there is no reason that we need to oblige. If there happens to be someone that you want to spend the day with, then by all means, enjoy! However, if there’s not, please remember that there is no obligation that you are required to fulfill that says you need to find a romantic partner for this day of the year.
At my undergraduate orientation, I walked in a huge room with nearly my entire undergraduate incoming class and sat around a circular table surrounded by people I didn’t know. The president of the university got up and started his speech by describing an interesting phenomenon that occurs each year. He explained that everyone in the room assumes that everyone else knows each other and that everyone feels that they are the only one in the room without a strong social network, when in fact it’s everyone’s first day of college and no one has established a network in college yet. It was a good point and the room awkwardly laughed, knowing that President Joel was in fact speaking the truth.
It’s so easy to feel down on yourself when you think everyone else around you has something you do not, especially if it is something you want. This year on Valentine’s Day, I urge those in a relationship to realize that not everyone around you is doing something so special and unique. To those of you who might still be looking for that special someone, know that you are in good company. Ignore the water-cooler talk and the loud woman at your office who receives 10 bouquets of flowers and a singing telegram and remember that everyone did not magically end up in a relationship simply because Valentine’s Day came around again.