By Alina Boie, M.S.
How many times did you find yourself feeling impatient? Or how many times have you said to yourself “I want this right now, and I am not willing to wait any longer”?
Our society is built in such a way that it fosters frustration intolerance. Look around you. Everything you buy is built in such a way that aims to shorten time. You buy your lunch in a box, throw it in the microwave and three minutes later you are eating. You don’t have to delay hunger and tolerate the frustration of cooking- you can take a shortcut. You want a pair of shoes you saw at your favorite store? No problem! You don’t need to wait until you get your paycheck, just use your credit card! Do you have a headache or can’t fall asleep? Worry no more, we have the solution. Just take a pill and all your pain will be gone in just a few minutes.
All of these are just some examples of how our society conditions us to believe that we should not have to tolerate any frustrations. And although you might think that this is great, there are negative consequences along the way.
First, studies show that the ability to delay gratification (which implies tolerating the frustration of not getting something right away) correlates highly with good academic progress, lower risk for addictive behaviors, and overall higher success. Some researchers argued that teaching your children how to delay gratification is one of the most essential things as it predicts future performance. Children who lack frustration tolerance will have lower performance in school and will have an increased risk for drug abuse and mental health problems.
So how do we deal with frustration intolerance? Well, REBT principles can be your secret tool. When you catch yourself thinking “I can’t stand this situation” or “This is unbearable,” challenge your thoughts! Is there any situation that you can literally not be able to stand? Besides lack of oxygen, food and water, which are vital for living, people can stand any other situation. Yes, it might feel uncomfortable or hard, but you are more resilient than you can imagine. Also, you probably stood these type of situations many times before which proves that you are able to cope with it.
Try to practice frustration tolerance every day. You will see the difference that you can make in your life.